nbiker
more crap 08-17-06 14:11
Lots of bs but little in the way of actual progress.

(X)Wife V2.0 is definitely irrational, reactionary, and becoming belligerent.

We had a hearing on temporary matters two weeks ago. We hadn't gotten everything done so the lawyers went to the judge, got a continuance, and we all met in a room to try and work things out.

Custody: ok
Visitation:ok
Recovering Lawyer fees: (no fucking way) never mentioned, ain't gonna happen
Spousal Support (alimony): (no fucking way) mentioned only when child support and paying of monthly bills (credit cards, car loans, etc) came up.
Child Support: Agreed on $636/mo but can't pay it if I pay all the CC bills. $200-400 in the red every month, and all the CCs are in her name.

Basically, she didn't have a job, didn't plan to be able to pay her own bills let alone the joint bills, expected me to pay everything. WTF. When she moved out she ADDED $825 (rent on her duplex) to the collective monthly bills and added NO INCOME. How the hell am I supposed to pay that? She expected to get rent assitance, welfare, and food stamps. She expected me to pay her >$900/month and pay all the CC/loan bills. Oh yeah, since I'm now "living" in my house (after 6 months in my friends' basement) I get to keep paying the mortgage and utilities there, as I have done for the entire time I WASN"T living there.

We haven't spoken more than a few sentences to each other since last week, and it's only been to arrange or confirm my visitation with my daughter.

Last week we went to court-ordered mediation. Burned 2 hours of mediation at $90 EACH/hr plus $20 EACH admin fees. So I wrote a $200 check and they billed her, which I'm sure she'll try and get me to pay. The discussion there stalled at exactly the same place it did the previous week, when the obvious conclusion was for her to go out and get one of the hundreds of jobs available in the area for $7-9/hr and bring in ~$1000/month. That would make both our finances work.

That evening, we went to what appears to be our last joint counseling session. She's still clinging to this "emotional abuser" concept, despite all the professionals opinions to the contrary. She tried to keep rehashing all the fights we've ever had. She tried to bring up the conflict we had about the finances.

The counseling sessions had turned into a forum for practicing talking to each other, and we'd stuck to that for 2 sessions after she moved out. This time she was unable to keep from trying to draw me into an argument about finances and the blowup two weeks ago.

Before the first court date, before the mediation, two weeks ago last Sunday, was my daughter's party at the Montessori school at the end of the summer art program. The kids had all done their own impressions of one painting for each of the artists they studied, and had a short group sing-along.

After the event, (X)WifeV2.0 tried to corner me about finances, and why I had refused to pay her what she wanted. After I realized that discussion was going nowhere, I shifted to planning the next week's visitation. She once again claimed I was "shutting down" the conversation and that was an example of my "abusive" behavior. She then accosted my mother about my mother talking to (X)WifeV2.0 friends. My mother has accidentally run into ONE friend BACK IN JANUARY at the playground when there with daughter, and then a close family friend of 30 years (we grew up together) visited a few weeks ago. I was there for the entire conversation, and there was no discussion of (X)WifeV2.0 at all. Zero. My mother was baffled, and told her that it wasn't the time or place. Teachers, kids, and daughter were all in earshot. She stomped into the kitchen telling my mother loudly that my family keeps "shutting her down".

A few minutes later, after my mother and I left the building, I see my father and (X)WifeV2.0 (daughter in hand) walk out. She's talking vigorously to him, and he's trying to talk calmly back. She followed him to the car, stood behind it talking then yelling at him, for over ten minutes. While my daughter was in the parking lot, in >>100F air. I was very angry. I saw my mother let daughter into the running car, and then I drove away.

She then called me later and said she didn't want me to have daughter overnight as agreed, because she ddn't want her to be around my parents. That's bullshit and borderline illegal. She knows she corssed the line big time because she has tried, since then, to make up a different reason. I have her own voice on a voice mail saying some of this.

So now the judge has all the papers, our lawyers spoke to him yesterday, and we wait for the ruling. I'm tense, but my lawyer is telling me that this judge doesn't look favorably on someone asking for lots of money, who is able to work but doesn't want to, and has been the one all along puching me out, then pushing for a divorce.

I didn't start the separation. I didn't tell her to move out. I didn't force her to rent the duplex she did. I haven't been telling her to not get a job, despite her claims. I haven't been the one to show absolutely no change in attitude or intent in the last seven months.

I'm through tolerating her and this. Even if she claimed to have completely reversed herself, tried to get back together with me, I would refuse. I can't live with her, I'll never trust her in a relationship again.

Given her behavior, in her own words out of control, I'm not sure I'm going to fully trust her with our daughter. I have to, it would be impossible to get custody at this point. All I can do is watch carefully and hopefully she won't screw up badly and hurt our daughter.

Not happy.
let's all cheer for... 06-27-06 13:12
...server maintenance DURING BUSINESS HOURS.

Ok, chilluns, here's a hint:

BAD IDEA. DON'T DO IT.

For some unknown reason, probably because the whiny team leads don't want to be bothered to be responsible for anything happening after 5pm, all server maintenance is scheduled during business hours.

Most of the time, no one notices.

Then things like today happen. Everyone thought "hey, wouldn't it be nice to run all internet traffic through this proxy" then a year later "hey wouldn't it be a good idea to perform maintenance on the server that's running as the proxy during business hours"

Soooo... 10,000 people work here, and since most of their apps are now using web front ends, and all those pcs are hitting the same proxy server...

Gee, it's SUCH A GOOD FUCKING IDEA TO DO SERVER MAINTENANCE DURING THE DAY. GREAT IDEA. SOME ASSHOLE IS GOING TO GET A FUCKING NOBEL PRIZE FOR THIS.

Argh.

I feel a little better now.

Well, it's over. 06-13-06 04:20
She moved out this past weekend.

She's obviously been pulling money from our finances for months to do this. Her parents came down for the weekend, they rented a truck, moved. The house is mostly empty. I need to rearrange the rooms, except for my daughter's room. I can't sleep in my old bedroom. She didn't use her office much the past few months, her presence isn't in that room near as much as it is in the bedroom. I think I'm going to use that room.

I just hope there's some way I can keep that house. I like it, I like the neighborhood, I want to live there.

I tried sleeping there for the first time last night. I got no sleep at all.

Maybe tonight...
great weekend... 05-31-06 12:12
Friday night: Not tellin. P

Saturday:

I went shooting with a guy who used to do it professionally. ;) He still shoots so well, three years after the last time he picked up his rifle, that his groups were holes either touching or single holes in the paper. Veeeerrrrry good shot.

Mine sucked by comparison, though if it were "practical" shooting (deer ;) hunting) it would work just fine.

Going for a perfect score, I'm going to learn everything he'll teach me. Shooting well, really well, is something I've wanted to do for a long time. Using a weapon for its intended purpose is something I never want to do, but if the need arises, it will be a life or death situation for ME, and I'm going to live. I'm not going to be scared of, or unable to use, guns just because the media and certain political parties have forgotten how our country started and existed until about 40 years ago.

I bought one of those iron plinking things, the ones with a round target on a swinging mount. 22 rifle was too easy, so I pulled out the Ruger .22 pistol at 25 yards.

Hitting a 1.5" target at 25 yards is NOT easy. The targets on this thing went from 3" 2.25" 1.5" and I got all three with five shots. First two were one shot hits... Yeah, I'm pretty arrogant about my skill with a pistol. I outshot my friend, and he's pretty good with a pistol, too.

Then the .30s came out. He was calling me pussy, all kinds of names. Then about 30 min into sighting-in, he realized I was shooting .30-06 and he was shooting .308 rounds. The difference? .5" cartridge length and enough extra powder in the rounds we were shooting to make a real difference in the recoil. Plus the first rifle I shot had no pad or recoil absorption, just a steel buttplate. The original owner built it up from his WWII service rifle to use in competition, where you used a heavy padded shooting jacket. Silly me wore a tshirt on that 90 degree day... The second rifle, which had a scope instead of peep sights, not only had a rubber absorber but also two mercury-filled tubes with a steel ball inside, sold for shotgun use. Still hurt, on top of the already-developing bruise from the first rifle...

It's a GOOD hurt, this bruise that goes all the way through my shoulder.

We decided that we need to do that way more often than once every two years. We're also going to find a 200 yard range. :D

Oh yeah, shot some 9mm too. :D

About $50 in ammunition went downrange. For 4 hours of fun, it was definitely worth it.

Saturday Night: Not tellin.

:P

Sunday: A friend's company picnic. Ended up assembling a picnic table, then doing food prep (cutting things up...) for three hours. Then sitting, drinking beer and water (97 degrees that day... Good thing there was a 15mph steady wind) and eating some of the best potato salad, broccoli/cauliflower salad, ribs, and desserts I've tasted in a long time.

Did I mention that the company is a restaurant business?

Sunday night: Not tellin. :P

Monday: Retrieved the tractor from the folks (pulled the snowthrower, installed the mower deck...) and mowed my lawn. The one I don't get to look at every day since I'm not living there. :(

Plus, driving Darth Truck around for 100 miles was very therapeutic. I like my truck. I'm going t have to figure out a way to make it a hybrid electric, though, when gas approaches $10/gal. $1/mile is unreasonable...

Thinking about a modified 4x4 transfer case and a 5hp electric motor. Battery carrying capability isn't a problem, I have a 3600lb payload capacity. I'd give up 1500lb for batteries to improve to 20+mpg... I drive like a pussy in that truck anyway. Absolutely no desire to show off the 400 ft-lb of torque when I get 8mpg in town on a good day...
ssdw 05-24-06 06:46
Same Shit Different Week

More negativity, more sniping, less willingness to compromise or understand from her.

Joint session this Friday, she's already planned to go to Iowa Falls this weekend.

Also found an ATM receipt for $300 on the table. I'm absolutely certain that household bills get paid with checks or credit cards to deliberately leave a paper trail.

Three possibilities:

1-there is a local bill that's overdue enough that she needs to pay cash instead of check. (very unlikely...)

2-she's building up a stash to use when we finally split

3-she's getting together a payment for a lawyer

I have three people so far giving advice on this question:

Should I ask her what the money was for, or should I just let it slide, since she'll be either insulted or defensive and it won't make any difference anyway?
last few days... 05-16-06 12:49
... have sucked ass.

Friday's session where she said she wanted to stop joint counseling.

Saturday I read that the person I was closest to (very close friends, soul mates, etc) on another blog site was leaving the site for good.

Sunday I realized that being estranged from my parents caused a conflict in that I didn't want to get in touch with my mother on mother's day...

Monday I left the lights on in my truck in the parking ramp and had to call the guy I'm staying with to come give me a jump. At 930pm because my appointment started almost 2 hours late and ran 3 hours instead of 1. Leaving me no time to work on the car that's been dead in his garage for over a month...

The only thing that pulled me out of a depression was the support and compassion of fellow bloggers on other blogs. Many people in much the same situation as me, lots of BTDT and good advice.

It's strange, but at this point I'm hurting more from the loss of my blog soulmate than I am the other things. That was the act, the portion of my life, that had been 100% successful in returning my mood and thought to a calm and positive state.

I still need a really good fuck. I'm completely at a loss to try and predict when it's going to happen again. I've been in monogamous long term relationships for so long I don't even know where to start looking.

Since part of her behavior (as stated by her) leading to this separation was a desire, and actions, trying to bed other men, I'm pretty sure she isn't going to have a leg to stand on for this particular topic.
Well, I decided last weekend that I wasn't just going to take her abuse. Yes, I said abuse. She's been bitching about my behavior the entire time we've been separated, and I've just tolerated the buillshit in the hopes that she'd calm down long enough to listen to the counselors and do a little growing up herself. The counselors and psychiatrist agree that I'm not the one holding up the recovery of our marriage, she is.

Except she doesn't see it that way.

So, at this point, absent a massive change in her attitude that can be summed up as "my way or the highway" (if you disagree with her in any way, she gets angry and belligerent, no compromise or discussion of even the smallest things) I'm convinced we're not going to get back together.

Since I am convinced of that, my behavior is going to change. I'm not going to take her bullshit any more, I'm going to call her on it. Not in a threatening or angry way. I'm just going to point it out to her every time. I didn't,for the last FOUR FUCKING MONTHS because I was afraid that it would convince her to not get back together. Well, I'm convinced that she never intended to, has been using this entire time to plan her exit, and has been leading me on.

No more.

Not sure what's going to happen in our joint counseling tomorrow, but I doubt she's going to be expecting the response she's going to get from me if she starts pushing me again.
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nbiker